Jordan High School has been around since the 60s. Its’ walls hold years and years of history. There have been hundreds of thousands of students. Behind its rich history are many stories not frequently shared with our student body and, as a senior, it is my job to share the lore and secret history of C.E. Jordan High School with all of you readers.
My freshman year I was given sage advice from a senior who cared deeply for my safety. They told me not to drink the Falcon Milk. What is Falcon Milk, you may ask? Well, after COVID, the school was vacant. Over that year, the pipes stayed still, letting the school’s negative aura flow into them. When the lockdown was lifted and students could attend school again, the fountain water was white. This water was aptly named Falcon Milk and many still call it that to this day. Now you may be asking yourself, “it's been years! The water is clear now! There are filters! I can still drink it. Right?” NO. The students who drank it were tragically transformed into falcons and are hiding in the ceiling tiles in room 022. So, I would like to share that warning with you– just know if you drink from the school water, it's your life on the line.
Speaking of lives, many wonder where the 600’s hall is. The truth is, it burned down in a tragic fire, and it was very gory, so much so that I cannot write the details because of how graphic and disturbing they are. The trailers are atop the fallen 600s, and in honor of said building, we called the trailers the 700 classrooms so as to not forget the tragedy of its fallen predecessor. This story has long since faded away but the ghosts of the 600s hall remain. This is why they call the 700s “the teacher graveyard.” The trailers are haunted and the ghost teachers of the 600s want their jobs back, so they scare away the teachers in the trailers. If you have a teacher in the trailers, give them a compliment or food because they are doing a great service by dealing with the ghosts.
And now a PSA: as a journalist, it is my job to be a snitch and ruin everyone's fun time. I am sorry in advance.
The rumors about the pool on the roof have been circling for years. It was a creative form of reverse psychology that was created to keep underclassmen away from the pool. I was even told today that there's not a real pool on the roof. That it's just a joke you tell freshmen. This was coming from a freshman. This freshman was clearly just jealous that he himself could not visit the pool on the roof. If you are an upperclassman reading this, you understand that I have shared a guarded secret, and I am sorry. We cannot hog this pool during our free periods anymore. The pool itself is lowkey disgusting due to the fact that it doesn't get cleaned very often. Despite the odor and the brown hues in the water, it has been a great community building device that has united JHS upperclassmen for years. I welcome all to join us on the pool on the roof to watch the water polo team play their senior night game on Wednesday.
With this new knowledge I have bestowed upon you, I wish you all the best of luck navigating Jordan High School.
Good luck!! - Mia
*Editor’s Note: This is a satirical piece and should not be taken seriously.
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